The signs were everywhere
My Daily Horoscope for February 05, 2003 (courtesy of AstroCenter.com & Yahoo!): “Dear Guy, As a Leo you are probably quite comfortable in a group of people, Guy. Your gregarious nature tends to attract a lot of friends. But today you might feel a greater need for some time to yourself. Don’t hesitate to tell those around you that you need to be alone for a little while. Feeling the need to perform every day can wear a person into the ground until they reach a point where acting up becomes so second nature that even they don’t know what they’re really feeling. Take some time to yourself.”
I’ve always enjoyed reading horoscopes for their entertainment value and random appropriateness but the last few months of 2002, I became hooked on this particular series of horoscopes. While the Virginia experiment was coming to a head, the ‘scopes were getting eeriely more specific, like these people were watching me and trying to send me warnings of the approaching iceberg.
There was this one from Saturday, November 2: “Expect to spend some time meditating on your life. Given the mood of the past few months, you are justified in your desire to make certain changes. With today’s planetary alignment, you may be considering how to acquire the means that would enable you to change horizons. You may be contemplating travel, or perhaps simply a long, refreshing rest. Do more than think about it, do it!”
The following week, Saturday, November 9: “It may be hard for you to connect with others today, dear Leo. You may be off in your own little world. Chances are that you are talking about one thing, and the person you are talking to is off in their own little world thinking about another. You might want to just keep quiet and stay in your own little world by yourself. Strengthen your self-esteem by focusing on yourself instead of trying to get others to focus on you.” Every Saturday, we’d be on the phones trying to schedule appointments for the following week, desperately trying not to feel like telemarketers. By this time, I’d already stopped trying, holed up in my office with the music playing, pretending that no one was answering the phones.
A few days later, Wednesday, November 13: “Your emotions are running extra high today, dear Leo, and you will feel a deep knowing inside that assures you that you are right. Hold on to this power pellet of inner strength. You will need it today as someone tries to push you off the top of the mountain by way of their fast talk and barrage of facts and information. Even though your thinking may be a bit off base, your heart is in the right place.” This was the day my partner-in-crime and I got busted for meeting with a competing firm to see what they had to offer. I came to work to and found a note on my screen from my boss to see him ASAP. He’d somehow found out we’d went and was ready to fire both of us. The 45-minute discussion that followed was a heady mix of double-talk and thinking on the fly. This was the day he broke out his personal story of starting with Greenpeace and how successful he thought I could be if I simply bought into the system and…yes, he actually said it: trusted him!
Thursday, November 14: “You might feel as if you are caught in the middle of two warring sides, dear Leo. Both choices are extremely tempting, yet only one will really work for you. The trick is to know which one that is. Use the practical grounding energy of the day to center yourself and calm your nerves. From that stable place, feel free to throw caution to the wind and join up with a high energy, fast-paced plan that suits your needs.” At the time, the thought of returning to NY didn’t seem like a realistic possibility, the thought of taking another job in this slow-paced city pained me, and getting on board with Sleazy’s program for success seemed more distasteful everyday.
Sunday, November 17: “Someone may try to engage you in some sort of mental sparring today, dear Leo, so be prepared to do battle. You will find that you have the incredible ability to make a huge production out of just about situation. Try not to make things into bigger issues than they need to be. You are better off giving in than fighting to death about an issue that just isn’t worth it.” That last line is what kept me at Amex, and in Virginia, longer than necessary and has always been my defining flaw.
Tuesday, Novmber 19: “Your emotional instincts may be coming into conflict with the seat of your personality today, dear Leo. It could be that you are feeling quite receptive and understanding of other people’s needs. At the same time, you may be angered by what you feel and hence you have the urge to take action. Be careful that you don’t move too hastily. Consider the consequences of your actions before you go stirring up trouble.”
And, Thursday, December 5, the day after I officially quit Amex and began packing for NY: “Your attitude towards others pushes you to meet people, who could be considered by a large majority, as eccentric persons. They might be considered by a large majority to be a little bit strange. You will be happy to meet one of them today, but this person will look familiar and strangely enough, will most likely be yourself.”
Coming back to NY was exactly that, meeting myself all over again, remembering who I was and forgetting who society says I should be. Have I said how glad I am to be back? 😉
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