Weak in you, the Force is…

Revenge of the Sith is apparently secretly subtitled: “The movie mofos will come see no matter what I do, so I’m just going to geek out on the CGI and not worry too much about the story.” Ugh, it was bad! Like Mystery Science Theater bad, just with better special effects. I usually like to stay immersed in a movie, no matter how bad, but this one I just couldn’t help making snarky comments about the wooden acting and laughable dialogue throughout. For every potentially powerful moment, like Anakin’s offscreen slaughtering of the younglings and the final fight with Obi-Wan, there were five others that made me miss Jar-Jar Binks. And everything was unnecessarily over-the-top, like the aforementioned final fight in a river of molten lava! WTF?!!? Jedis have personal air conditioning units installed in those outfits?

Making things worse, everyone except Ian McDiarmid – who channeled an evil Bill Clinton via Darrell Hammond, while gleefully chewing on every scene he was in – phoned in their performances, afraid to stand up to Lucas and challenge their awful lines. We’re not talking Mark Hammill and Carrie Fisher, here, but really good actors like Natalie Portman and Samuel Jackson. He should have his Director’s Guild membership revoked. And whomever thought Hayden Christiansen was the right choice for Anakin/Vader needs to blacklisted from the industry.

You know what WAS good, though? Mad Hot Ballroom. A documentary about the New York City Public School’s Ballroom Dancing Program for 5th graders – a 10-week class that culminates in a citywide competition – it’s a wonderful peek into the world of three groups of adorable 10-year olds that made me long for that age again, a delicate balance of innocence and hyper-awareness. And the dancing is amazing! See it ASAP before it goes away. And then, buy the DVD.

About Guy LeCharles Gonzalez

Guy LeCharles Gonzalez works in publishing by day, world domination by night. Over the years he’s lived in Staten Island and South Beach Miami; served in the Jehovah’s Witnesses, US Army, and Dennis Kucinich’s ‘04 Presidential Campaign; won poetry slams, founded a reading series, co-authored a book of poetry, and self-published another; prefers Pumpkin and India Pale Ales, Buffalo Trace and Four Roses Bourbons, and Dona Paula Shiraz Malbec. He’s a devout Mets fan from the Bronx now living in New Jersey, and has a beautiful wife and two amazing kids.

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