Say What?: Superman Returns Edition

“Well, it didn’t suck… It would take all the combined good parts of Elektra, Batman and Robin, and Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles II: The Secret of the Ooze to equal half of Superman Returns, but Superman Returns would have to be twice as rad to equal The Incredibles or Spider-Man 2.”
–David Campbell, Off-topic: The Official Dave’s Longbox Review of Superman Returns – Like You Care

“Screw the fact THE INCREDIBLES is a cartoon, give me a story that’s better than that, because animated or not, THE INCREDIBLES is the new gold standard for superhero movies. SUPERMAN RETURNS was in live-action (partially) and it felt like a cartoon, a flat, boring one. THE INCREDIBLES had characters that were compelling, some cool plot twists, great action sequences, and a villain’s plot that, while not the most original, actually made sense. Weren’t too many of those elements in SUPERMAN RETURNS.”
–Paul Dini, Up, up and anyway… (via Focused Totality)

“I walked out of the theatre thinking ‘That was good!’, and by the end of the bus ride home, I was way down to ‘That was merely OK’. Today I’m at a VERY low OK, and by this time next week, I could be well down to AWFUL.”
–Brian Hibbs, Superman Returns

“[Routh’s] Superman is…competent. Decent. Classically handsome, strong jawed, looks great in tights. But in order to be Superman, he needs the tights, the cape, the spitcurl and the special effects. Chris Reeve, by contrast, could be Superman by simply removing his Clark Kent glasses, straightening his back, deepening his voice, and saying, ‘Lois…there’s something I have to tell you.’ Yes, his Clark was over-the-top, but let’s face it, so is wearing blue and red tights with your underwear on the outside.”
–Peter David, Superman Returns

“Superman is vulnerable to one, and only one, substance: kryptonite. He knows this. We know this. Lex Luthor knows this. Yet he has been disabled by kryptonite in every one of the movies. Does he think Lex Luthor would pull another stunt without a supply on hand? Why doesn’t he take the most elementary precautions? How can a middle-aged bald man stab the Man of Steel with kryptonite?”
–Roger Ebert, Superman Returns

“I for one have grown tired of supermen, and superwomen, who start with such a flagrant advantage over the rest of us. Mind you, if Superman is such a paragon, how come he wants to save a species so universally dumb that not a single member of it recognizes him when he puts on a pair of glasses?”
–Anthony Lane, Kryptology

BONUS:
“Batman has a different woman every issue, or at least, every writer. Superman has Lois, who likes to dress up like Batwoman, and we all know what that means.”
–Scipio, Ten Reasons Batman has More Fans than Superman

Written by Guy LeCharles Gonzalez

Guy LeCharles Gonzalez is the Chief Content Officer for LibraryPass, and former publisher & marketing director for Writer’s Digest. Previously, he was also project lead for the Panorama Project; director, content strategy & audience development for Library Journal & School Library Journal; and founding director of programming & business development for the original Digital Book World.

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