Pumpkin Seeds: End of the World Edition

1. What the hell is going on? Multiple hurricanes and random tornadoes, an earthquake in California and now the threat of Mt. St. Helens erupting again? Plus, there’s the whole mega-tidal wave in the works, just waiting for another volcano to go off in Africa! If I were a Republican, the obvious explanation would be that God doesn’t want John Kerry to be President.

2. To be honest, I think it would be kind of cool to see this election overshadowed by massive global disasters. The God of the Bible certainly has that kind of sense of humor.

3. I’m looking forward to tonight’s debate purely for entertainment purposes. I want to know first-hand what Saturday Night Live is mocking.

4. Vote Jackson Kirk Grimes of the United Fascist Union for President! I mean why the hell not? Look at him! At least you know what you’re getting.

5. I don’t want to believe it, but somehow, I can just picture Dubya and Kerry in a secret sub-basement somewhere in downtown Miami right this minute (3:08pm) going over tonight’s debate and how it will play out, with Vince McMahon coaching them through Hal Warren’s script, and Alan Smithee directing.

6. There is allegedly a Timoteo F. Gonzalez, class of 1974, that is a member of the Skull & Bones. Dude! If you’re out there, hook a brother/cousin/nephew/namesake up!

7. Can it be that it was all so simple then? People talk about the good old days – certainly a subjective opinion depending on one’s race and class – but times have changed. But has it just been a shell game, or actual progress? Or, worse yet, devolution?

8. What’s the chances of a bloodless civil war, where we just divided the country in half – Bush gets the South and Midwest, Kerry both coasts and Hawaii – and set up a federal relocation program that lets everyone choose sides?

9. It’s the end of the world as we know it.
It’s the end of the world as we know it.
It’s the end of the world as we know it and I feel fine.

Written by Guy LeCharles Gonzalez

Guy LeCharles Gonzalez is the Chief Content Officer for LibraryPass, and former publisher & marketing director for Writer’s Digest. Previously, he was also project lead for the Panorama Project; director, content strategy & audience development for Library Journal & School Library Journal; and founding director of programming & business development for the original Digital Book World.

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