Dear God, it’s me, Guy. Enough with the fucking snow!!!!!

Let’s call it ghetto-OnStar. That’s when you get on your cell phone and have someone go online and give you directions via MapQuest because you’re lost in a blizzard!

Last night, playing the good samaritan, I dropped off Bonafide and Jessica after a fun night at Acentos – didn’t think that many people would brave the snow but they did! – and got lost in a white-out! Bonafide lives south of me, right on the Concourse, and wasn’t a big deal. Jessica lives about 10 minutes away from me in…let’s call it the Northwest Bronx so as not to destroy her street cred! Getting her home wasn’t too bad until we hit the Saw Mill Parkway and even then, it was tolerable. Slow driving but nothing too crazy. Getting myself home, though, became a nightmare as the entrance back to the Saw Mill hadn’t been plowed or even driven on, covered by a pristine blanket of snow. I had to inch my way up the ramp, gauging the distance between the guardrail on the left and the trees on the right through ice-encrusted windows, trying not to run up on the curb that was completely buried out of sight.

Once on the Saw Mill, I couldn’t see more than 10 feet in front of me and the exit signs were practically invisible. Of course, I missed my exit and ended up crossing the bridge into Manhattan and getting off at Dyckman Street. That’s when I called home and got Salomé on MapQuest. It took a few minutes to find an address that wouldn’t send me back on the parkway before she was able to play OnStar operator and direct me to familiar ground. Going uphill on West Kingsbridge was a particular highlight as a couple of other cars – cabs, of course – were swerving all over the place. I finally made it home at 12:45am!

I’ve had enough of winter. Punxsutawney Phil better not see his damn shadow next Monday!